26 Years and Still Seems Like I've Just Begun to Understand

2017 marked a turning point in the celestial trajectory of my journey. I rang in the New Year sitting alone in my room drinking a bottle of champagne and found myself single, unemployed, discouraged, and directionless. I sat here staring at my keyboard, my screen, my life in sentences and my sentences in life. I reflected upon the tally of my life as it stood naked in the mirror glaring back into my eyes. I reflected upon the poem, “The Man in the Glass” (1934) by Dale Wimbrow

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The Bite-marked Heart Came Untucked

Before we let ourselves consume each other in a cesspool of fears and choices as tears streamed down our faces, our voices cracked under the screams we never heard a word of from the voices above pleading their cases for us to just listen, relax our stiffened backs, and move ahead with a dash of tact for our love pact. 

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Set Sails for Bluer Skies and Warmer Waters

I *want* to hear, and listen to you, and tell you all those things that sit on the edge of our tongues waiting for the breath to give them life. Send me your messages. Talk in my ear. Cry on my shoulder. Sit there and listen to me rant about Star Wars so you don't have to think for a few minutes or hours. Come sit in silence with me. Let me go sit with you in silence. I've lost too many people in my life for any and every reason and I don't want to lose anymore because they hurt.

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Paying The Cost and Leaving Before The Show

I sit with the decisions I made to let it all go because I no longer knew what I wanted from this life, in this life. I became lost in my own mind, indecisiveness, and isolation. I saw everything I had ever wanted right before my eyes, held the world in my hand, and knew I simply had to make the smallest effort to reach out and take it all. Everything sat before my feet, before my hands, before my eyes, and I walked away thinking I deserved better from myself, from my love, from the world...without working for any of it. I felt I deserved it. I no longer felt I had earned anything. I no longer worked for it, no longer strove to make something out of nothing, no longer saw the value of all that we had paid and sacrificed to reach the crossroads where we stood, across from each other, unable to reach each other any longer.

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Someday I'll Love...

I found myself alone, wrecked, destroyed. I found myself lost in the expanse of emptiness. I found myself lost with no direction home, no knowledge of how I got there. I found myself with no one to revel in the love I no longer had left to give. I found myself a ghost, a haunting, a shadow of the man I had once created, and of the one you did within me.

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