I’ve been spending more and more time self-reflecting on my introspection. I sought out a therapist that I ultimately fired for frequently cancelling out appointments. I’ve spent time to learn what and whom I want in my life. I’ve rebuilt relationships that I allowed my own toxicity to corrupt. I apologized for my poor decisions and worked towards amends.
I find myself now on the horizon of 33 and know not where this road will go. I find myself more unsure in my own surety. I want to begin a relationship. I crave companionship as I never have before. I’m lonely as I have never before felt.
I feel more love than any other time in my life. I talk to my friends and family and know they love and care for me. They support my good choices and stand by my side as I resolve the bad decisions. The people I love are able to reciprocate and I do not fear they will abandon me despite my anxiety.
The day will come when I can rest comfortably in my own mind and body. I know that day exists just past the horizon. I will me that day and know I truly deserve the light and warmth it will bring. I look forward to standing with my people, the people that have struggled, the people that have suffered, the people that have survived the difficulties of life. I will walk hand-in-hand with my people and know we belong there.
I will walk into that light and let the darkness fade into vague shadows.
